‘’There cannot be true quality without equality. Quality sex is possible only with true sexual equality. Quality sex requires fighting the pervasive cultural belief that the way men most reliably reach orgasm should be the default way that both women and men reach orgasm together.’’ – dr. Peters Levin
In heterosexual encounters between cisgender women and cisgender men, women experience significantly fewer orgasms than men. Some researchers know the orgasm gap as this discrepancy. Research has documented for over 20 years that women have fewer orgasms during partnered sexual encounters compared to men.
The orgasm gap is consistently found in the literature. For example, Herbenick et al. reported that in a U.S. probability sample of 1931 sexually active adults (ages 18-59), 91% of men versus 64% of women experienced orgasm during their most recent partnered sexual event. Similarly, Garcia et al. found that in a nationally representative sample of sexually active adults, heterosexual men orgasmed 86% of the time with a familiar partner, while heterosexual women orgasmed 62% of the time.
Armstrong and colleagues found that 31% of men and 10% of women reported reaching orgasm during first-time hookups. While 85% of men and 68% of women reported reaching orgasm during their most recent sexual encounter within a committed relationship. Interestingly, even with a familiar partner, a large-scale survey of 2,850 individuals revealed that lesbian women are more likely to orgasm during partnered sex than either heterosexual or bisexual women. Additionally, Armstrong’s research showed that among 14 bisexual women who had one-night stands with both men and women, 64% frequently or always orgasmed with a female partner. While only 7% frequently or always orgasmed with a male partner.
Why Does This Happen?
Some have proposed an anatomical or biological explanation for the orgasm gap, suggesting that this gap exists because women’s orgasms are complicated and elusive. Or, in other words, that “women’s bodies are simply not designed to have orgasms at the same frequency as men”. But if this is true, women’s orgasm rates would not differ depending on circumstance.
Indeed, many studies show that women orgasm more when alone than with a partner. One older, classic survey found that about 60% of women reported that they usually or always orgasm when masturbating, compared with 29% during partnered sex. In another now classic study, Hite reported that 95% of the women in her convenience sample who masturbated reached orgasm easily and regularly. At least 95% or women orgasm when pleasuring themselves. That explanation proves there are non-biological explanations for the gendered orgasm gap. Thus, we focus on potential non-biological explanations in this review. Prior to detailing such non-biological explanations, it is important to have a basic understanding of women’s genital anatomy and sexual response.
The Power of Clitoral Stimulation to Address Orgasm Equality
In all these scenarios where women are experiencing more orgasms, there is a greater emphasis on clitoral stimulation. Most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, which is understandable since the clitoris and the penis develop from the same type of tissue. Both the clitoris and the penis are densely packed with touch-sensitive nerve endings and erectile tissue.
Psychology Professor at the University of Florida, Laurie Mintz, had asked thousands of women: “What is your most reliable route to orgasm?” Only 4% say penetration. The other 96% say clitoral stimulation, alone or paired with penetration. According to Mints, the main reason for the orgasm gap, then, is that women are not getting the clitoral stimulation they need. And cultural messages about the supremacy of intercourse feed into this. Indeed, countless films, TV shows, books and plays portray women orgasming from intercourse alone.
Unfortunately, our culture also gives advice on intercourse positions to bring women to orgasm. While some of the positions do include clitoral stimulation, the message is still that intercourse is the central and most important sexual act.
Multiple studies have shown that conventional messages about sex suggest a sequence of events: foreplay (mainly to prepare the woman for intercourse), intercourse, male orgasm, and then the end of sex. In this perspective, it is the man’s responsibility to ‘give’ a woman an orgasm by lasting a long time and thrusting hard. Many women know how to pleasure themselves when alone, but when with men, both they and their partners often assume that women should orgasm through intercourse, similar to men. However, the reality is that very few women orgasm from intercourse alone.
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No wonder research finds that men feel more masculine when their partner orgasms during intercourse. And, it’s no surprise that women fake orgasms, primarily during intercourse, to protect their partner’s egos. Indeed, studies suggest that between 53% to 85% of women admit to faking an orgasm. Some research indicates that the majority of women have faked at least once in their lifetime.
One potential barrier for overcoming the gendered orgasm gap might therefore consist in a lack of anatomical or more specifically—clitoral knowledge and its application in heterosexual encounters. Supporting this assumption empirical evidence from bibliotherapy interventions and online sex education show that clitoral knowledge is a source to enhance sexual pleasure in women.
So let’s stop calling intercourse ‘sex’, let’s stop calling women’s entire genitals a ‘vagina’, and let’s place the clitoris in the public eye. We need to start noticing and calling out unrealistic images of women’s pleasure and in our own most intimate heterosexual encounters. We should give equal importance to penetration and clitoral stimulation.
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Importantly, one study found that feeling entitled to pleasure enhances a woman’s agency in communicating her sexual desires to partners and in protecting herself sexually. Specifically, the study showed that this sense of entitlement to sexual pleasure increased women’s confidence in refusing to engage in sexual acts they were uncomfortable with and in using protection against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
There is hope, however, because cultural factors contribute to the orgasm gap, and changing our perspectives on sex and intercourse can enhance women’s sexual experiences. Educating people on the fact that women do not have a limited biological capacity for orgasm is crucial. Additionally, educating both men and women about the clitoris could be transformative.
